Alois Obviously has a Drinking Problem
by Chloe5616
Summary: Alois is drunk. Ciel is annoyed... Mostly. Written by BrimofInsanity and myself.


A/N: Chloe5616 here. Since BrimofInsanity got me hooked on Black Butler, we did and RP and developed it into a fic. I was all for it just being Alois bashing, but BrimofInsanity wanted it to be an Alois x Ciel. You can guess who won that. Anyway, this is just a one-shot, not a multi chapter or anything. Hopefully we'll get back to writing the Soul Eater fic we're working on soon. Oh, there's some minor Elizabitch (yes that is how I type her name while we write, but I have the highest respect for her and her sword-fighting prowess) bashing, but it's easily ignored. The not-so-subtle Alois bashing, well... Anyway, enjoy!

A/N: This is BrimofInsanity. I RP as Alois a lot, and Chloe5615 RP's as Ciel. This kind of happened, and we decided to write it down. We changed a few things, and I am kind of offended at how stupid Alois sounds in the fic, but Chloe was all like "NOO STICK TO THE RP, DON'T CHANGE IT, BLAH BLAH BLAH". Even better, she doesn't ship Ciel x Alois. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO RP WITH A CIEL THAT DOESN'T SHIP CIEL X ALOIS OMG. I'll probably end up writing a Ciel-Alois pairing sometime. You should read the fic now. Or awkwardly stare at the page, that works too. Whatever, I don't care. We don't own Kuroshitsuji or anything. If we did, Ciel x Alois would totally be canon. But this is life.

Ciel POV

Sitting at home in my study, I enjoyed the relaxing quiet that came with the dark of night. With the unfortunate combination of my position as the Queen's Guard Dog and my idiot servants constantly having a contest to see who could annoy me the most, I could rarely ever just sit and relax like this. The sky had long since gone dark. I'd passed the day doing paperwork for the Phantomhive company; it had been better than spending the afternoon with Elizabeth. Her voice was annoying, much like someone else I hadn't heard from in a while. Not that I missed hearing his voice. The fact that I hadn't heard from Trancy for the entire day was odd in itself, but to top things off, I had only heard of one accident from the servants today. Sebastian was often able to cover them up before I took notice, but large explosions would often ring throughout the mansion.

My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing, and I walked away from the large window I had been standing in front of to answer it. The hands on the clock pointed to about 1:23. Who could possibly be calling at this time of the morning?

Before I could even answer it, I knew who it was. That obnoxious Trancy boy. Just my luck. With a sigh, I gingerly picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"HEYY, CIEL!" I had to pull the phone away from my ear, his voice was so loud. "WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT *HIC* YOU OVER HERE. HOW ARE THINGS AT YOUR *HIC* LITTLE MANSION?"

"Things are fine, now what do you want? You're giving me a headache." I said in a cold tone.

"WHERE'S YOUR MUM?" Alois giggled obnoxiously into the phone. His words were slurred, and he was constantly hiccupping.

"Are you drunk?"

Alois giggled again. "NO, WHY DO YOU *HIC* SAY THAT?"

"I sincerely doubt that you're not drunk. Although the giggling isn't out of character, you're acting even less intelligent than usual."

Ignoring my comment, he shouted "CIEL, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS *HIC* WEAR AN EYEPATCH? ARE YOU A *HIC* PIRATE?"

I sighed deeply and said, "No, no I am not. I think you've been drinking way too much. Where are you? I'm calling Claude to get you."

"COME FIND ME, YOU DIRTY SCALLYWAG! AND CLAUDE IS WITH ME! HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO CONFESS HIS LOVE TO SEBASTIAN. WAIT," I could practically hear him frowning now. "I THINK HE'S ACTUALLY GOING. CIEL, DO SOMETHING, YOU BLITHERING PIRATE!" He said before launching into another bout of hysterical laughter, but he sounded a little strained this time. He didn't stop for several minutes, and was out of breath when the laughing finally subsided. "ANYWAYS, YOU SHOULD WATCH FOR ME OUT YOUR WINDOW. I'LL BE THERE SOON!" I heard him blowing kisses into the phone and then a soft _click._

Stunned, I sat there for a moment before hanging up and dashing down the stairs to the front door. Even if I did hate him, I wasn't low enough to kill him while he was drunk. I'd take him home and kill him another day. What was I going to do about Claude? I assumed he was drunk as well; Alois probably commanded him to join him in the merrimaking. He didn't seem the type to drink alone.

Taking a moment to warn Sebastian that Claude was coming, I practically ran down the stairs to the front door. I was hoping to avoid Alois being there by himself. I feared the damage he would cause left unattended. Sebastian was waiting at the door. He gave me a brief bow before going out, presumably into the forest to await Claude's arrival.

I paced in the front room, trying to kill the anxiousness that seemed to have come out of nowhere. He should be here any minute. That is, if he was actually coming, and not just messing around. What am I supposed to do with him when he gets here?

I didn't have to wait long, because after only a few minutes the door opened and Alois stumbled in. He was obviously drunk, and I couldn't believe he was even still standing.

"HEY CIEEEEEELL!" He tripped his way over to me. "CLAUDE AND SEBASTIAN ARE TALKING OUT IN THE WOODS!"

I smiled dryly. "Then I suppose it's a good thing Sebastian sharpened the silverware yesterday."

"NOOO!" Alois wailed. "DON'T HURT CLAUDE!" He lifted up his arms and punched at my arm weakly. I easily pushed him off, and he fell to the ground. I grimaced at his obvious show of feelings towards his butler. How pathetic.

"I can assure you, I won't be doing anything to him. Sebastian, however..." I made a show of pausing. "Well, you'd better hope he's not nearly as drunk as you."

"NOOO! DON'T LET SEBBY HURT CLAUDE!" He wailed, this time from the floor. "I'LL BUY HIM AS MANY KITTENS AS HE WANTS.. OR I'LL HELP HIM WITH HIS CHORES.. I'LL... I'LL..." His words got slow and disoriented, and after a few seconds he was completely passed out on the floor.

I sighed and nudged him in the stomach with my foot, trying to wake him. When that failed, I walked over to the window next to the door. Since Alois was here, it must mean that Claude was, too. From where I stood I could see them standing at the edge of the thick line of trees. Claude was talking, obviously trying, and failing, to conceal nervousness. Sebastian watched him talk with a look of complete repulsion, nearly identical to the looks he gave Grell. Claude apparently ended whatever speech he was giving, there was a moment where neither of them spoke or moved. Then, without a warning, Sebastian flew forward and punched Claude directly in the face. Claude, who was noticeably drunk, flew backward, hitting a tree. He recovered fairly quickly, and started running for dear life away from the estate.

"Alois, in case you manage to hear this, Sebastian is currently chasing a drunk Claude out of the estate." Ciel took a moment to examine his butler. "He looks a little murderous."

Alois, who was apparently exempt from the normal effects of passing out while drunk, sprang up. "NO, CLAUDE!" He tripped his way towards the door. "SEBASTIAN, YOU BASTARD!"

I, who was far too amused at Alois's ramblings, tripped him easily before he could open the door. "I'd stay away unless you want Sebastian to get you, too. And if Claude runs fast enough, he'll be fine."

Alois ignored me, trying and failing to pick himself up off the floor. "SEBASTIAN, THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT MY LOVE! GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU ROTTEN DOG!" It was all I could do to keep in my laughter.

"I'm pretty sure your "love" just pronounced his undying devotion to my butler. Are you sure you don't want him to get even a little beat up?"

Alois stopped trying to get up off the ground. "CLAUDE! YOU BETRAYED ME!" Tears welled up in his eyes.

Despite how much I fought it, I felt a bit of pity towards the pathetic mess residing on my floor. "So, how beat up would you like him? Just this once, I'll even order Sebastian not to kill him." I said with a glint in my eyes.

"CLAUDE CAN DIE, FOR ALL I CARE!" Alois wailed, getting up off the floor and burying his face in my jacket. I cringed at the intimacy, but allowed it for now. I opened up the door and shouted to Sebastian, who hadn't actually gone very far.

"Sebastian, this is an order! Kill the Trancy butler!" I yelled out to him. Sebastian looked over at me, grinning with murderous intent. He was so focused he didn't even seem to notice the hiccuping Earl attached to my arm.

Alois managed to hold himself up. "CIEL!" He yelled right next to my ear. I winced and covered it. He sure was obnoxious when he was drunk.

"Is there a problem, Trancy?" I asked harshly, annoyed.

"I... I LOVE YOU!" He leaned towards me, and I stumbled back, an odd mixture of shock and repulsion on my face. "LET ME LOVE YOU!" He held out his arms in attempt to capture me in an embrace. I shoved him with both hands, and he just managed to stay standing. An impressive feat, considering how intoxicated he was. "CIEL!" He whined loudly. I took another step backwards.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I spat, disgusted once again at his display of affection.

"LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER!" He continued despite my disgust, a dreamy look in his eyes. "AWAY FROM ALL THE DEMONS, AWAY FROM YOUR DERANGED FIANCE." He started towards me once again. By this point in time, I was very close to punching him.

"Get away from me!" I sneered. "That's never going to happen!"

"But why, Ciel?" Alois started crying again, fat tears streaming down his face. "Don't you love me?"

Ciel recoiled. "No! We're enemies! You murdered my family!" He shouted, feeling about ready to punch Alois in the face.

Alois looked confused, but there was also slight anger written on his face. It seemed the accusation had shaken him a bit, and he managed to be serious for a few seconds. "I did nothing of the sort." Then the effects of the alcohol took over again, and he took a few large steps towards me. "Now let me kiss you!" He managed to get fairly close to my face this time. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"No!" I yelled, outraged at his lie. "Don't deny it! I know you killed them! Sebastian told me, and he never lies!"

Alois laughed, taking the opportunity to gain the upper hand in a conversation. "He's a demon remember? Of course he's going to lie."

"No! I've ordered him never to lie to me!"

He laughed a little more before saying, "Are you drunk, too, Ciel?."

I turned back to the window just in time to see Claude go flying across the treetops and into my garden. Sebastian calmly walked out of the forest, making his way towards Claude. He pounced on the other demon's face and stomped on it repeatedly. Smiling to myself, I turned back to Alois, who had been oddly silent for that past minute. The blonde boy was not standing where I had last seen him.

My head throbbed with a massive headache, and I screamed with rage, "DAMMIT, TRANCY, WHERE ARE YOU?"

I ran up and down stairs, throwing open doors for a trace of a purple, but to no avail. Frustrated, I ran down one of the halls in the East Wing and threw open the door to my bed chambers, not expecting much. But there he was; curled up into a ball on my bed, boots and all. I glared at Alois, willing the brat to wake up. I sighed with annoyance and walked over to him. Gently, I removed his boots, coat, and vest to avoid waking him up. I didn't think I could take much more of his annoying voice, and I didn't want him to dirty my sheets with his filthy clothing. I pulled the covers over him and placed his head on a pillow.

Just then, I heard a crash outside the door. I looked towards the door and then back at Alois, fearing he might have woken up. It would take everything for me not to stab him if he did. Satisfied that he really was asleep, I padded towards the door and slowly opened it to glimpse Claude pinned to the ground by Sebastian's collection of kitchen knives.

"Young Master, I was unsure of whether or not you wanted to watch Claude die, so I brought him to you. Shall I kill him?"

I sighed and said, "No, Trancy was drunk when he asked me to kill him, I'm sure he'd regret something like that later on. Just throw him outside or something, and make sure he doesn't get back in. Knock him out or something."

Sebastian's eyes drooped a bit with the disappointment of not having permission to kill his rival, but obeyed my orders. He quickly smashed Claude's head against the wall and slung him over his shoulder before walking calmly down the hallway towards the staircase.

I silently closed the door and walked back to the bed where Alois was still lying curled up on my bed covers. I stared at his face for a moment, and realized that I had blushed a little at his sleeping figure. He was kind of cute when he slept. Quickly looking away and kicking myself for even thinking of such nonsense, I sighed and slipped under the covers next to him after removing most of my clothing, due to the summer heat. This was a replica of the room I grew up in before the mansion was burned down, and I refused to sleep anywhere else. Even if it meant sleeping in the same bed as my enemy. At least he was unarmed, and he couldn't kill me in my sleep. I sighed and rolled over to face the opposite direction of the boy next to me. His face disgusted me. With that, darkness creeped into the edges of my vision, and my eyes slowly closed into a dream, which was mostly about the Trancy boy.

Alois POV

I awoke with a throbbing headache. My arm was around something.. I opened my eyes and saw a splash of blue hair. Ciel?! What was I doing in Ciel's bed?! And why was my arm around him?!

I sat up quickly and shuffled to the opposite end of the bed. My sudden jolt woke him up, and he looked up at me bleary-eyed. Then his face contorted into an expression of disgust. He didn't say anything, just smirked and pushed me with both hands out of the bed. I tumbled to the floor with a yelp.

"Ciel, what-" Before I could finish my sentence, Ciel had risen from the bed and stretched. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I blushed at the sight of the pale scrawny boy, and quickly stood up to face a different direction. I wasn't wearing anything but my undershirt and trousers. "Ciel.. What exactly happened last night?"

He threw his head back and laughed. The rotten brat didn't answer my question, but stood up and threw me my clothes from a pile on the floor. I swiftly put on my vest and coat, and watched him get dressed out of the corner of my eye. "Where's Claude?"

I turned to see him smirk again, and he said with a mocking tone, "You're lucky I'm a kind person, or else he'd be dead right now. In fact, so would you."

I stared at him with wide eyes for a few moments. Why would Claude be dead? What the hell happened last night? He blushed a little and looked downward before adding, "You're.. you're kind of cute when you sleep."

Do my ears deceive me? Did Ciel Phantomhive just call me cute? No, he couldn't possibly..

He looked up suddenly with a stern expression and said, "Nevermind. Now get the hell out of my house."

I smiled mischievously at his back when he turned away. Before he could walk out of the room, I ran around the bed and whispered in his ear, "Ciel, you're kind of cute without a shirt on." I giggled and pecked his cheek before racing out of the room, leaving behind a shrieking Ciel. He was mad. I laughed as I raced out of the mansion, and thought about the blue haired boy all the way home.


End file.
